A Lovely Day

Today, we were supposed to attend one of our home ed meet ups, but as I was feeling really low on energy and, as it is a 2 hour round trip, I decided it wouldn’t be wise to go.  I was worried about feeling sleepy while driving which would not have been safe for Miss E.  Mr P had made up a salad for us and I had made Miss E some sandwiches as well, so the question was what do I do with our picnic?  I still wanted us to have a nice day.  It seemed the weather was against us as it was so dull and looked like it would rain any second.  After Miss E had her nap, we walked the dogs which is our pretty much daily routine after naptime and as the weather stayed dry and was reasonably warm, I packed up the picnic when we got home and we headed off the the local park.

We had a lovely time.  We started off in the playpark area where there Miss E enjoyed time on the swings, the roundabout(not entirely sure if that’s the correct name for them!) and on the climbing frame and slide.

 

 

 

 

After having a lovely time playing in this area we took a walk over to some open green space, where I put out one of my wraps…whoever said woven wraps didn’t have any other purpose but to carry children with?!  :)  We used this as our picnic blanket.  We ate our picnic.  I had packed some books so we read stories afterwards.  Miss E had a lovely time crawling around exploring the grass, the dandelions and watching birds.  We watched the clouds float by in the sky and relaxed.  When the weather turned a bit colder, we packed up and headed back to the swings for a while before heading home.  Miss E made a new friend as well.

 

 

 

 

 

All in all, it was a lovely time.  There was just one thing to spoil our trip…this park and green space back on to a local primary school.  While we ate our picnic the kiddies were out for their lunchtime play.  There were adults out supervising them.  The adults were not seen interacting with the kids nor even talking to them, except to yell.  We heard a LOT of yelling.  GET OFF THOSE STEPS!  PACK THE EQUIPMENT AWAY.  THE BELL HAS GONE WHY IS NO ONE STANDING IN  A LINE?!  GET YOUR COATS OFF THE FENCE.  YOU THREE GET OFF THOSE STEPS!!!!!!  On and on and on it went.  I very nearly starting crying and I am a grown woman.  The irritation in the voices, the rudeness, the disrespect for the children was unreal.  What saddened me more is that, for these children, this is their normal.  They spend the majority of their waking hours for the majority of their lives in this environment.  They grow up in this environment where they learn to expect to be disrespected, put down, shouted at.  Do they ever tell their parents?  Do their parents know?  Would their parents believe them?  Do their parents care?  Is there home life better or worse?  These are questions that flew around my head as I sat there with my own precious gift beside me.  I took a look at her and I determined in my heart that I will do everything I can, by the grace of God, to never place her into a situation like that.  Children deserve so much better.

Please Forgive Me

Dearest Daughter,

Recently, I have been doing a lot of soul searching, a lot of praying.  There have been some areas of our relationship that could be better, areas of your behaviour that seem to have been getting progressively worse, and I had no answers as to how to fix them.  There is only one thing to do in such situations and that is to pray for wisdom and understanding.  I realised in these times, that my behaviour and feelings have a huge effect on you.  I learned that I should first look inward to see if there is anything I need to change before expecting you to change or thinking the issues we are facing are in anyway separated from me.  And as I looked inward I saw a lot of stuff that needed to be cleansed from my life, dealt with and shipped out of there.  I saw a woman who was filled with resentment for the terrible pregnancy and the fact it so impeded me from bonding with you, resentment for the ill health for months after that stopped me from doing much more than feeding you and caring for your basic needs again hindering bonding, resentment for the fact that just when it looked like your daddy and me were getting a break from all the stress we had gone through from the start of our marriage and could look at reconnecting the pregnancy came and took that away.

 

I love you with all my heart, I truly do.  There was, however, this huge wall to break down.  Now that I have faced the problem and am tackling it, our days are much smoother, and that crazy behaviour you have always displayed that drove me near insanity?  It’s pretty much gone  Amazing, huh?  I am so so sorry it has taken me 15 months to sort myself out in the inner self.  I am sorry this resentment has lived in there further blocking us from having a free and open relationship.  I am sorry you have missed out on so much due to the fact I have been so ill.  I am sorry that we did not get to connect while you were on the inside.  I will never understand why things were how they were, but I cannot change the past.  All I can do is ensure the present and future are beautiful as possible.  I can leave that past hurt, frustration and resentment behind, walking through the door that leads us into a more loving, gentler way of being together.

 

Please forgive me for my shortcomings as a woman and as your mother.  Please forgive me for the frustration I threw your way due to the fact I had not taken a long hard look inside my own heart and soul.  Please forgive me.

I love you, little one.  I am thankful for the gift of you in my life.  I am thankful for the changes your presence has caused. I am thankful for your love for me.  I am thankful for the lessons you teach me, and I will strive all my days to be a better mother for you.

 

All my love and sincere apologies,

Mummy xxx

Liebster Award

The lovely Erika over at proverbsnineteen21 very kindly nominated me for the Liebster Blog Award.  Thank you so much, Erika.  I’ve been following Erika’s blog for about a year now.  I don’t even remember how I came across it to begin with, but as our babies are only a few months apart, it’s so nice reading another mama’s perspective on parenting, and she has become a real source of encouragement to me as well.  Erika used a shortened version of the rules which is what I will use as well limiting each section to 5.

The original rules are:

1. Each blogger should post 11 random facts about themselves.
2. Answer the questions the tagger has set for you and then create 11 new questions for the bloggers you pass the award to.
3. Choose 11 new bloggers (with less than 200 followers) to pass the award to and link them in your post.
4. Go back to their page and tell them about the award.
5. No tag backs.

5 Random Facts:

-I dream of owning an Aga one day

-I swirl ketchup and mayonnaise together to go with french fries….something that seems to gross out a vast majority of the population!

-I want to own some llamas

-I love the smell of freshly baked bread, it invokes a feeling of comfort and security

-I don’t like being home alone in the evenings

Answers to Erika’s Questions:

-Are you a Lord of The Rings fan? No, I’m not, although I did sit through watching The Hobbit and it was alright, so I may be persuaded to watch LOTR at some point in my life!

- How do you feel about organic food? Worth it? Pointless? Sometime yes, sometimes not?  I used to think organic food was pointless, but since having to battle Candida Albecans and then switching to almost exclusively eating organic products, I have to say it is totally worth it, and Miss E who generally refuses to eat meat will actually eat organic meat….the child’s got good taste

- Favorite summer activity?  Going for walks in the countryside with my husband, daughter and our two dogs

- How and how much do you tend to participate in potentially politically or religiously loaded conversations via the internet or anywhere else?  I tend not to participate very often as I hate when heated debates get entirely out of control and it turns into personal attacks on one another.  However, if something truly bothers me of affects me then I will say something.

- What type of books do you tend to go for at the library or bookstore? Generally books related to early childhood development along Montessori/Waldorf principles.  So things like Kids In The Kitchen: Simple Recipes That Build Independence And Confidence The Montessori Way, Playful Learning,   Or books relating to  my life and marriage such as Red Hot Monogamy: Making Your Marriage Sizzle, or The Fruitful Wife

My Questions For My Nominees:

- What smell evokes warm and happy feelings/memories for you?

-Who has been the most influential person in your life to date?

-What is your favourite craft or hobby?

-Do you consider yourself to lead a green/eco-friendly life?  If  yes, in what ways?  If no, what are your thoughts on gree living?

-What sort of music do you most enjoy listening to?

 

Nominees:

Caterpillar Tales

An Everyday Story

The Grange Range

Rebecca Kennedy Green

Under An English Sky

 

I honestly don’t know how many followers any of these people have.  I simply picked blogs I have enjoyed.

 

 

 

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There are lives I can imagine without children, but none of them have the same laughter and noise.

~ Brian Andreas~

Scone Baking

On Sunday, we had a day of unwinding after our weekend.  It was also a day of unpacking emotionally from the trip we had just been on.  We decided in the afternoon to make scones.  It isn’t often Mr P gets to join in our activities, so it was nice that he could be involved as well.  I got the book Baking Bread With Children by Warren Lee Cohan.  I bought mine from Myriad Online as I was ordering a lot of stuff at once from then.  The above is a link to the book on Amazon (I don’t receive any money if you click and buy).  It’s got some lovely bread recipes in there which we hope to try, but on Sunday we just did the scone one as we had all the ingredients to hand.

Mr P mixing all the ingredients together

 

 

enjoying patting out the dough

 

 

helping her daddy out

 

trying to cut them out on her own

 

 

 

having a play while waiting for the scones to bake-yes, that is flour in her hair

 

our second batch, the fruit scones, worked much better than the first

 

It was such a lovely family activity, and both Miss E and I really loved the fact that Mr P was able to be there and get involved with us.  If you’d like to try making some scones, here is the recipe I used from the book mentioned above:

 

Devon Scones (makes 8)

200g plain (soft or pastry) flour

10 ml baking powder

2.5ml sea salt

150ml milk

60 g butter

 

1. Sift together flour, salt and baking powder

2. Cut in softened butter with two knives or a pastry blender

3. Stir in milk until it is thoroughly mixed

4. Knead lightly with hands to form it into a ball

5. Place on a floured surface and flatten dough to 2cm thickness

6. Using a glass, cut out circles and place them on a greased tray

7. Bake for 10-12 minutes in a preheated oven at 220 Celsius/450 Fahrenheit/ Gas Mark 7

 

Variations:

-add 40 g poppy seeds

-add 100g cheddar cheese and chives

-add a handful of currants

-glaze tops with egg yoke for a shiny surface

 

I’m looking forward to trying some more of the bread recipes in this book with Miss E.  She enjoyed helping to get the scones ready for the oven and devoured them once they were cooked as well.  I think it is safe to say they have her stamp of approval.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What We Did Last Monday

It’s been a while since I mentioned that I’d post about the fun we got up to on Bank Holiday Monday, but here it is.  It was a beautiful sunny day and we got a big box of potato flakes(smash, instant mash, whatever other names you can think of for the stuff).  I popped the flakes into an old tin, placed it on the tuff spot along with things like funnels, rakes, little trucks etc.  Miss E played with it dry as it was for a while.  She enjoyed scooping, watching it as it fell back through her fingers.  She enjoed making tracks as she pushed the truck through the flakes.

 

 

 

When we got tired of playing with it dry, I added some water via a little bowl Miss E had to play with.  We added water one little bowl at a time.  She loved putting the flake into the water and watching them mix together.  We both loved smooshing the soppy mixture through our fingers on the tuff spot.  In fact, I’m not sure who enjoyed it the most!!  It was a lovely time spent out in the sun, with some messy sensorial play that cost hardly anything.  It’s amazing what you can do with the things found in your cupboards (or in this case on the shelf at the store)!

 

first bowl of water

 

squidgy goodness

 

A Special Day

Dear Miss E,

Yesterday was a special day, for yesterday we walked A Mile In Memory Of Matilda Mae to raise money for The Lullaby Trust.  We travelled down from Nottinghamshire on the Friday night.  You didn’t appreciate being woken up twice from your sleep, but you were such a good soul and you did ever so well.  When you got woken up the second time, we were at our hotel, so that perked you up immensely. You enjoyed exploring, eating the cookies that were in the room, and you loved your really big bed.  Your found it great fun that Mummy and Daddy were once again in the same room as you and you sat up chattering away excitedly for ages before lying down to sleep.

mmm-cookies!

a special big bed

In the morning you woke up bright an early, full of life ready for the special day we were going to have.  You decided that you needed a lot of energy for the walk and you ate a croissant, a bowl of muesli with a pot of yoghurt, a sausage, some bacon and a slice of toast!  You always eat a lot for breakfast, but never that much!

 

waking up with a sile

 

stocking up on food

 

After breakfast, we set off to travel the remainder of the way to the Rare Breed Centre.  On the way the weather was dull and rainy and Mummy prayed that it would brighten up for Matilda Mae’s special walk.  It did.  By the time we got to the Rare Breed Centre the rain had stopped and the sun had popped out to say hello.  We walked the mile with Matilda’s family and lots of other people who had also come to support them and to raise money for The Lullaby Trust.  It was a beautiful, peaceful walk with the most gorgeous carpet of bluebells standing proud and spreading their sweet fragance on earth in honour of a beautiful little girl.  Halfway along the walk we got some packets of forget me not seeds.  We will plant these in pots eitherside of the front door and elsewhere in the garden and when they bloom we will talk about and remember Matilda Mae.

 

pink and purple balloons at the start/finish line

 

stopping by the star

 

walking with lots of other people in memory of Matilda Mae

 

the gorgeous bluebell carpet

 

 

 

 

You won’t be forgotten Matilda Mae

 

Once back at the marquee, there was entertainment for children, gorgeous violin music playing and bubbles being blown into the sky for Matilda.  There was also the singing of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.  You enjoyed the activities laid on by Jumping Beans and crawling on the grass.  We also had a look around the centre at the animals, watched a falconry display (you were sleeping at that point) and watched some pig racing (pigs run fast!!).  It was a beautiful day, but we never forgot the real reason we were there.  You don’t yet understand the full significance of yesterday, but as you grow up we will remember Matilda Mae; we will talk about the impact her beautiful little life has had; we will pray for her family as we do now; we will blow bubbles for her as we do now; we will go back to the centre and do the walk again, and one day, if God chooses, you will get to experience the love of a mother for her child and the special bond that comes with it and you will fully appreciate why we chose to go on this walk and help raise money for The Lullaby Trust to help them try and find a way to stop SIDS.  No mummy should ever have to be without her baby.

 

 

 

blowing bubbles for Matilda

 

bubbles floating up to heaven x

 

 

All my love,

Mummy xxx