Happy Birthday Angel

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Dearest Firstborn,

Monday was your birthday.  You are now one.  Where has the time gone?  It feels like I have just blinked and you’ve gone from dependant newborn to emerging  independent individual.  You have accomplished so much in your 12 months.  You have gone from an extremely high needs baby to one that’s learned with our support to be happy without constant contact for small amounts of time.  We never pushed you to be anything other than what you were.  When you needed us we were there and we still are.  I was there to nurse and rock you to sleep and Daddy would help rock you to sleep if you woke up until the day you let us know you were happy to go to bed and fall asleep by yourself.  Every night I kiss you goodnight and walk over to turn the light off, I look at you watching me peacefully and I know we’ve come so far.

We didn’t get off to the best of starts.  From a horrible pregnancy where I couldn’t really bond with you to collapsing twice just after you were born to being bed ridden for a good few months after you were born and not being able to give you the time you deserved, I feel so guilty that I have let you down so much already.  I wish I could go back and relive those months with my current better health.  I am so thankful for our breastfeeding bond.  I was determined to breastfeed before you were born despite the lack of support I received from most people outside of your Daddy.  It was the one thing that no one else could do for you and no matter how ill I have felt I have pushed to ensure you are breastfed.  It hasn’t been easy, but there is no other choice I would’ve made for you or me.  It had been suggested by those who don’t understand what we have that it’d be easier to give you formula given my health.  These people fail to realise that breastfeeding is about more than nourishing your body; it nourishes your soul as well and is the one thing that we share that no one else can enter into; one area in which I haven’t failed you.  I am pleased to say that a year later and I am still able to provide you with that bond.  Happy Feeding Birthday to us as well my sweetheart!

I cannot thank you enough for all the good change you have wrought in my life.  Without you I never would have gotten to the point physically of finally getting some answers about why I was constantly so poorly.  Without you, I would never have gained the confidence to try out new things without the fear of failure.  Without you, I never would have started this blog.  Without you, I never would have called into question a lot of what is considered normal in society around me to examine it closely and see if it really was in your best interests.  Without you, I wouldn’t have reason to go out and meet new people.  Without you my life was grey and boring.

With you, my life is full of colour.  With you my life is filled with laughter.   With you my life is never dull.  With you my life is filled with promise and new beginnings.

Thank you for teaching me patience and being forgiving of me every time I mess up.  Thank you for teaching me to be less self-centred even though I still have a long way to go.  Thank you for giving me a reason to get up in the morning and face each new day with a smile.  Thank you for all the hugs and kisses we have shared.

This year has been so filled with changes, and you have done a lot of changing and growing my beautiful butterfly.  You have teeth, you sit up, you pull yourself up, you crawl, you cruise, you talk, you feed yourself, you have preferences of what you like to do and where you like to go, you delight in animals, you love lights, all kinds of lights, you enjoying looking at and talking about the world map or ‘bap’ in our hallway, you love turning the lights on and off yourself, you love listening to stories, you enjoy watching other people, you love a good game of peek-a-boo, you want to know the name for everything you see, you try to repeat words you hear, you enjoy dancing to music and playing with your instrument set(will this continue as you get older?), you love shapes, you love all types of bean and lentils, you hate meat, you eat an adult sized portion of porridge for breakfast and sometimes you are still so hungry you eat half of mine as well.

These are just some little snippets of your first year my sweet angel.  It has been a full and happy year packed with lots of love and laughter.  I am excited to watch you grow and develop even more into your own little person.  I thank God for the blessing of you in my life, and you truly are a blessing, my miracle baby.  There are no words to express just how much I love you.

Always remember no matter how old you get or where you are in this world or what you do, you will always be my baby.

 

Happy Birthday Darling Girl!!

 

Love,

Mama xxx

 

 

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