Monthly Archives: May 2013

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As her analyst had told her: the deeper buried the distress, the further into the body it went.  The digestive system was about as far as it could go.

~Richard Matheson~

Thoughtful Thursdays

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A Week To Forget

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This has been a bad week, a very bad week for many reasons!  The week starts on Saturday past.  When I left teaching, I started up my own pet sitting business which was going well and it also funded my reflexology studies.  Since having my daughter, I have cut way back and don’t take on any new clients, but I still do the odd week here and there for clients I already had previously.  So, Saturday saw the start of me looking after 4 cats and a rabbit.

When I went to get the keys etc I was told that one cat I had looked after before had died and had been replaced by a new cat.  The cat was brought in so I could see it.  As it turns out, it was to be one of the only glimpses I got of her!  On Saturday morning, I got to the house and couldn’t get in.  I turned the key, pushed down on the handle…nothing.  I wiggled and jiggled the door this way and that…still nothing.  It was as if there were locks on the inside stopping it from opening, which I knew wasn’t the case.  Mr P assumed there was some knack I clearly didn’t know and he’d be able to get in.  So an hour later with Miss E in tow we went back again.  He couldn’t get in either.  The panic that welled up inside as 4 hungry looking cats peered back at me wanting fed and wanting to get out.  A neighbour was in his garden and asked if we wanted help, after a few minutes, somehow he got the door open, not even he knew how.  At least we were in!  Thankfully, there is a gated to access the back, so I have since been using the patio door key to let myself in and going out the front door…yep, it works fine on the other side!

So, we’re in.  All cats are meowing but the new one is going totally mental.  At first, I thought she was playing, but then I realised she was absolutely terrified.  Every room we both found ourselves in she was clambouring at everything to get away from me even climbing up the kitchen blinds.  As soon as I opened the back door to let them out, that cat was off like a rocket.  Silly me, thought she would be back that evening, but oh no.  Repeated checks turned up nothing til after 11pm when she dashed off yet again.  She was not seen again until Monday morning when I opened the back door to go feed the rabbit and she almost came in until she saw it was me and she took off yet again.  She has not been seen since despite repeated callings, drives round the neighbourhood, later night trips back to see if she’s returned.  No sign of her.  So this is a major stress and oh how I wish I got paid for overtime!

The major underlying stress is a trip we are taking to allow Miss E to meet all her relatives on my side of the family.  She has yet to meet any besides my parents and brother who all live here in England.  So tomorrow we shall be catching the ferry.  Im not looking forward to the travel time, the sleeping on a ferry, the dealing with a toddler who does not want to go visiting lots of strangers all day and ends up having repeated meltdowns out of boredom and frustration.  Oh the joys I am imagining!  Add to this that Miss E’s body has decided now would be a good time for her to ramp up the teething process again, so cue bad sleeping, clingy fussy baby and it’s a good recipe for disaster.

We planned our trip to coincide with a wedding which we were invited to.  Since losing loads of weight being on the anti candida diet, all my lovely dresses no longer fit me.  I had eyed up some dresses to match a pair of shoes I have already, but then discovered that a friend of ours was setting up her own sewing business making bunting, cushions etc and also doing alterations.  Great!  No need to buy a new dress.  I had the perfect dress already in the closet; it just needed a little nip and tuck here and there.  I took a few skirts and the dress round and was told they would be ready at the end of the following week.  Two weeks later, still nothing and no word.  More time passes and I am getting anxious!!  I fiiiiiiiiiinally get them back.  The skirts fit fine, so I didn’t try the dress on until last night (remember we travel Friday).  MAJOR< MAJOR mistake!!  I could barely get into the dress, and there was NO way that dress was zipping up.  It was snug when she pinned it and I asked her to loosen it then!  And as well as that it wasn’t straight anymore.  Needless to say the dress is no longer fit for purpose even if I could squeeze into it!   Cue mild cardiac arrest at 10pm last night.  Time to do some internet searching to try and find a dress that matches the shoes and stuff I already have.  I found quite a few, but the majority were out of stock in my size or had a two week wait!  I ended up ordering three as I have no idea which size I need and which one works best(two will obviously be returned pronto!).  Two have just arrived while I have been writing this (thank you, Lord, for same day delivery), and I just need to hope that one of them fits and works, and the other turns up early tomorrow and fits so I can choose.  If they’re too big, or too small, I am heading on that ferry tomorrow night with no dress for a wedding the following week!!!  Never in my life have I been so unprepared for such an occasion!

And that, my friends, has pretty much been how my week has played out, one thing after another.  I am surprised I’ve still got it somewhat together!  Anyone else had such manic, crazy, stressful weeks they’d like to share?

Books, Books, Books!!

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Lately Miss E is extremely into books.  As soon as she sees a book she goes crazy.  We have spent at least an hour every morning the last few weeks just reading and re-reading books.  We always had reading sessions in the day, but she’s now super interested.  Once a favourite book is finished she throws a fit because she wants it read again.  It’s so hard when you have limited words at your disposal to ask for something.  We are working on being polite and signing please instead of throwing a fit.  We also a few ABC books such as My Little House ABC, and these have been going down a treat.  Anytime I have read them I have always given Miss E the letter name and sound.  Recently she has been fascinated with repeating the letter sounds.  Some days we don’t even get the read the book as Miss E just goes through pointing at the letters waiting for the name and sound so she can repeat it.  I am thrilled she loves books so much because, as a child, I loved, loved, loved to read.  I lost my love a little during GCSEs and A levels as I was made to read textbooks that killed the joy and passion.  Now that I see Miss E reading it’s reignited the passion for me.  There are so many books I realise I’ve not read that I would like to read, books I want to reread.  So many books and not enough time!  I also downloaded Honey For A Child’s Heart via Kindle and am really enjoying the insight and wisdom of Gladys Hunt.  It has brought home the vital importance of reading out loud on a daily basis, the use of books to guide a child’s inner being as they get to grips with the concepts of justice, compassion etc.  One thing that really stood out to me was the importance of reading to a child not just when they are a toddler but also when they are a teenager.  Once I could learn to read well, I don’t remember my parents reading with me for pure enjoyment.  That is something I would have loved, so it’s something I am going to do for my family.  Do you enjoying reading as a family?  What books are favourites?

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Nobody knows how much is possible to any one person. Many persons go through life without recognizing this. They have no notion of how much they can do and feel, know and be; and so their lives turn out poor, narrow, and disappointing.

~Charlotte M. Mason~

Thoughtful Thursdays

A Lovely Day

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Today, we were supposed to attend one of our home ed meet ups, but as I was feeling really low on energy and, as it is a 2 hour round trip, I decided it wouldn’t be wise to go.  I was worried about feeling sleepy while driving which would not have been safe for Miss E.  Mr P had made up a salad for us and I had made Miss E some sandwiches as well, so the question was what do I do with our picnic?  I still wanted us to have a nice day.  It seemed the weather was against us as it was so dull and looked like it would rain any second.  After Miss E had her nap, we walked the dogs which is our pretty much daily routine after naptime and as the weather stayed dry and was reasonably warm, I packed up the picnic when we got home and we headed off the the local park.

We had a lovely time.  We started off in the playpark area where there Miss E enjoyed time on the swings, the roundabout(not entirely sure if that’s the correct name for them!) and on the climbing frame and slide.

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After having a lovely time playing in this area we took a walk over to some open green space, where I put out one of my wraps…whoever said woven wraps didn’t have any other purpose but to carry children with?!  🙂  We used this as our picnic blanket.  We ate our picnic.  I had packed some books so we read stories afterwards.  Miss E had a lovely time crawling around exploring the grass, the dandelions and watching birds.  We watched the clouds float by in the sky and relaxed.  When the weather turned a bit colder, we packed up and headed back to the swings for a while before heading home.  Miss E made a new friend as well.

 

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All in all, it was a lovely time.  There was just one thing to spoil our trip…this park and green space back on to a local primary school.  While we ate our picnic the kiddies were out for their lunchtime play.  There were adults out supervising them.  The adults were not seen interacting with the kids nor even talking to them, except to yell.  We heard a LOT of yelling.  GET OFF THOSE STEPS!  PACK THE EQUIPMENT AWAY.  THE BELL HAS GONE WHY IS NO ONE STANDING IN  A LINE?!  GET YOUR COATS OFF THE FENCE.  YOU THREE GET OFF THOSE STEPS!!!!!!  On and on and on it went.  I very nearly starting crying and I am a grown woman.  The irritation in the voices, the rudeness, the disrespect for the children was unreal.  What saddened me more is that, for these children, this is their normal.  They spend the majority of their waking hours for the majority of their lives in this environment.  They grow up in this environment where they learn to expect to be disrespected, put down, shouted at.  Do they ever tell their parents?  Do their parents know?  Would their parents believe them?  Do their parents care?  Is there home life better or worse?  These are questions that flew around my head as I sat there with my own precious gift beside me.  I took a look at her and I determined in my heart that I will do everything I can, by the grace of God, to never place her into a situation like that.  Children deserve so much better.

Please Forgive Me

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Dearest Daughter,

Recently, I have been doing a lot of soul searching, a lot of praying.  There have been some areas of our relationship that could be better, areas of your behaviour that seem to have been getting progressively worse, and I had no answers as to how to fix them.  There is only one thing to do in such situations and that is to pray for wisdom and understanding.  I realised in these times, that my behaviour and feelings have a huge effect on you.  I learned that I should first look inward to see if there is anything I need to change before expecting you to change or thinking the issues we are facing are in anyway separated from me.  And as I looked inward I saw a lot of stuff that needed to be cleansed from my life, dealt with and shipped out of there.  I saw a woman who was filled with resentment for the terrible pregnancy and the fact it so impeded me from bonding with you, resentment for the ill health for months after that stopped me from doing much more than feeding you and caring for your basic needs again hindering bonding, resentment for the fact that just when it looked like your daddy and me were getting a break from all the stress we had gone through from the start of our marriage and could look at reconnecting the pregnancy came and took that away.

 

I love you with all my heart, I truly do.  There was, however, this huge wall to break down.  Now that I have faced the problem and am tackling it, our days are much smoother, and that crazy behaviour you have always displayed that drove me near insanity?  It’s pretty much gone 🙂  Amazing, huh?  I am so so sorry it has taken me 15 months to sort myself out in the inner self.  I am sorry this resentment has lived in there further blocking us from having a free and open relationship.  I am sorry you have missed out on so much due to the fact I have been so ill.  I am sorry that we did not get to connect while you were on the inside.  I will never understand why things were how they were, but I cannot change the past.  All I can do is ensure the present and future are beautiful as possible.  I can leave that past hurt, frustration and resentment behind, walking through the door that leads us into a more loving, gentler way of being together.

 

Please forgive me for my shortcomings as a woman and as your mother.  Please forgive me for the frustration I threw your way due to the fact I had not taken a long hard look inside my own heart and soul.  Please forgive me.

I love you, little one.  I am thankful for the gift of you in my life.  I am thankful for the changes your presence has caused. I am thankful for your love for me.  I am thankful for the lessons you teach me, and I will strive all my days to be a better mother for you.

 

All my love and sincere apologies,

Mummy xxx

Liebster Award

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The lovely Erika over at proverbsnineteen21 very kindly nominated me for the Liebster Blog Award.  Thank you so much, Erika.  I’ve been following Erika’s blog for about a year now.  I don’t even remember how I came across it to begin with, but as our babies are only a few months apart, it’s so nice reading another mama’s perspective on parenting, and she has become a real source of encouragement to me as well.  Erika used a shortened version of the rules which is what I will use as well limiting each section to 5.

The original rules are:

  1. Each blogger should post 11 random facts about themselves.
  2. Answer the questions the tagger has set for you and then create 11 new questions for the bloggers you pass the award to.
  3. Choose 11 new bloggers (with less than 200 followers) to pass the award to and link them in your post.
  4. Go back to their page and tell them about the award.
  5. No tag backs.

5 Random Facts:

-I dream of owning an Aga one day

-I swirl ketchup and mayonnaise together to go with french fries….something that seems to gross out a vast majority of the population!

-I want to own some llamas

-I love the smell of freshly baked bread, it invokes a feeling of comfort and security

-I don’t like being home alone in the evenings

Answers to Erika’s Questions:

Are you a Lord of The Rings fan? No, I’m not, although I did sit through watching The Hobbit and it was alright, so I may be persuaded to watch LOTR at some point in my life!

How do you feel about organic food? Worth it? Pointless? Sometime yes, sometimes not?  I used to think organic food was pointless, but since having to battle Candida Albecans and then switching to almost exclusively eating organic products, I have to say it is totally worth it, and Miss E who generally refuses to eat meat will actually eat organic meat….the child’s got good taste 😉

Favorite summer activity?  Going for walks in the countryside with my husband, daughter and our two dogs

How and how much do you tend to participate in potentially politically or religiously loaded conversations via the internet or anywhere else?  I tend not to participate very often as I hate when heated debates get entirely out of control and it turns into personal attacks on one another.  However, if something truly bothers me of affects me then I will say something.

What type of books do you tend to go for at the library or bookstore? Generally books related to early childhood development along Montessori/Waldorf principles.  So things like Kids In The Kitchen: Simple Recipes That Build Independence And Confidence The Montessori Way, Playful Learning,   Or books relating to  my life and marriage such as Red Hot Monogamy: Making Your Marriage Sizzle, or The Fruitful Wife

My Questions For My Nominees:

What smell evokes warm and happy feelings/memories for you?

-Who has been the most influential person in your life to date?

-What is your favourite craft or hobby?

-Do you consider yourself to lead a green/eco-friendly life?  If  yes, in what ways?  If no, what are your thoughts on gree living?

-What sort of music do you most enjoy listening to?

 

Nominees:

Caterpillar Tales

An Everyday Story

The Grange Range

Rebecca Kennedy Green

Under An English Sky

 

I honestly don’t know how many followers any of these people have.  I simply picked blogs I have enjoyed.