When Did You Show Up?

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I had determined in my heart I would be a “Yes Mum”.  The one who takes the time to play, takes the time to get out the “messy” stuff.  The one who isn’t bothered if an activity is going to take an age to clear up afterwards.  I wanted my daughter and any subsequent children to have memories of fun, of happy play, of an adult who engaged, of an adult who valued them and wanted to involve them.

But somehow, at some point, SHE showed up.  SHE sucked the fun out.  SHE was too busy cleaning, sorting or something else as equally important.  SHE found it too much effort to get out the paints.  SHE didn’t want to have mess in the house afterwards.  You know who SHE is?  SHE is “No Mum”.  The grouchy, huffy, busy, boring grown up.  Yep, somehow, SHE arrived in our lives.  I didn’t see her coming.  SHE crept in bit by bit I think, but I realised SHE was around when I saw how much SHE had taken over.

When your toddler goes around going, “no, no, no” repeatedly, it’s time to step back and examine!  When I did that I saw myself.  No, Miss E, no.  No, don’t touch that.  No, don’t do that.  No move from there.  No, I am busy.  No, I need to vacuum.  No, not right now.  No, let’s do this.  No, no, no, no, no!  Is it any wonder she’s going round repeatedly saying the word?!  Where is “Yes Mum” anyway?!  Why wasn’t I informed she was departing until she had departed?!

That’s all immaterial really; the main thing to do here is bring her back!  I am determined to be “Yes, Mum” again.  It is easier, for now, to say no.  It is less hassle, but I know, one day, those little arms will no longer be outstretched while a little mouth is saying “up, up!”  She won’t always run round the house with everything that has words on it going, “read, read!”  I need to be “Yes, Mum” now, before it’s too late.

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