Sorry I Wasn’t There

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My Sweet Baby Girl,

The other night I went out to a Christmas craft evening.  This is one of the handful of times in your 21 months that I have ever left you in an evening to go to such an event.  Unfortunately, it was the same night those nasty molars decided to wake you up.  You were inconsolable and Daddy wasn’t good enough for you.  All you wanted was your Mummy, and she wasn’t there.  I was so upset to hear you had been in such a state and in such pain when I got in that I desperately wanted to go and wake you so you would know that I was home and there for you.  You woke by yourself again anyway and called for me.  That was it; you were my little leech for the evening.  You wouldn’t stay in your own room as you wanted to make sure I was still there.  I brought you into to bed with me  thinking you would sleep, but you stayed wide awake holding my hand, touching my face, laying your head on mine and making sure that if I moved even an inch it wasn’t to leave you.

It was so sad, and poignant as well, because there will be a day when Mama won’t be there with you.  There will be a day when you have to go this life on your own without my comfort and without my support.  I wish I could be with you always to soothe away life’s pain and troubles.  I wish that every time you reach out your hand for mine you would feel mine clasp yours tightly in return.  I wish you could always here the words, “shh now, I’m here it’s ok.”  I am sorry that one day I will have to go and leave you with a mother’s comforting embrace to blaze your trail in this world.  And I am sorry that on a night when you did need me and I am still with you that I wasn’t there.

 

All my love to you my sweet girl.

Mummy xxx

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