When Life Disappoints

Before becoming pregnant, I signed up to do a Diploma in Reflexology.  I had seen great improvements in my health regarding my endometriosis etc and as my parents suffer from many health issues, I wanted a way to help alleviate some of their pain with the possibility of setting up my own clinic in the future.  After joining, I then discovered that I was pregnant and as the Hyperemesis got progressively worse, by December I had to step out of the course.  I had done all the coursework up to this point and lots of practicals as well.  I discussed the situation with my tutor and left with the promises that all the work I had done already would still count, and I could just rejoin the course in December where I left off, and that I wouldn’t have to pay a penny more than the fees for the year 2011-2012.

Since leaving, he has decided to switch awarding bodies, as the body he was with are no longer awarding to the same level.  This was fine as in February he still told me that my work done already would count and he was still upholding the agreement that I wouldn’t have to pay any more money despite having to be registered with a new awarding body.  I emailed him about coursework in June and disappointment one came: he replied to say not to do anymore coursework as some of it would count, but some of it wouldn’t, and that I would have to pay another fee to be registered with the new awarding body.  I then saw there were 5 extra lessons and so started to think, well how am I going to just “slot back in” in December where I left off?  My husband and I were in the middle of deciding what to do about the whole situation, and today I got another email stating that I’d have to attend ALL classes again, redo ALL course work and pay this fee.

Now, I was struggling with the fact that I would have to leave my baby girl for a whole day every 3 weeks come December, but from September would just break my heart.  This is why I asked and reasked if I would be able to just come back at the point where I had to stop.    I also don’t know how I would find the time to do all the course work again, as it took me forever when I didn’t have a child to care for 24/7 and could devote whole days to doing it.  So, we are left with a situation where I feel I can no longer continue on with my training and now need to try and get money back for his breeching the contract he made with me 😦  I hate confrontation, and I know that ultimately I stand to lose a lot of money….money that we could do with having back right now!

Disappointed? Yes

Upset? Yes

Annoyed? Very

But I know that even in all this God has something good for me.  If I can’t continue on and have to drop out and if I lose all the money I have paid, there will be a reason even if I don’t know why this side of eternity, and God only shuts doors when He has something better He wants to give.  We just have to be patient and be still instead of trying to batter down the closed door.  So, I will take my upset and disappointment to Him and leave it there and await His answer to all this trusting that He has something great in store for me, and he has plans to prosper me and not to hurt me (Jeremiah 20:11).

How do you cope with life’s disappointments?

When Life Throws You a Curve Ball

Do you ever get those times when life seems to be motoring along at a pace of normality, and out of no where something happens that shakes your world around a bit?  That happened to me this week.  Let’s rewind many, many years when I contracted a serious illness.  Since then I have never felt well.  I’ve grown used to my state of health and it has become my new ‘feeling well’, and there are days when I feel more well than others.  Since this illness a whole host of other illnesses have come about, namely endometriosis, bladder infections galore, extreme lethary, zero energy, foggy head, stomach problems, the list is endless.  I have spent countless years back and forth at Doctors surgeries being prescribed things like the birth control pill for endometriosis (which I eventually refused to take), antibiotics for various infections, and endured 4 laparoscapies to burn off any endometriosis and remove ovarian cysts.  But each year my health seems to get even worse.  The emotional side is the worst.  On the outside, I look normal, so people often think I am being a hypochondriac, generally lazy, and attention seeking.  It’s eaten away at my self-confidence.  I entered into a teaching job which is what I trained to do after my degree and was often off sick as my body just couldn’t cope with the pace and when I did go in there was this overwhelming sense that people just saw me as someone who wanted to get paid but couldn’t be bothered to turn up to work and that I was just playing a game of illness, which of course made everything worse, and I finally resigned.  I’ve struggled to understand why this has all happened and why I can’t be healthy.  Any time I’ve been to doctors, they never listen to all the symptoms, and before I’m done they’ve prescribed some pill or another.

In recent years I’ve grown increasingly disillusioned with the conventional medical system and all the medication they seem to prescribe so readily.  I turned to reflexology after my last laparoscapy and noticed a marked improvement in my health.  Since the birth, I just can’t seem to get on my feet again at all.  It’s like my whole system has just collapsed.  Doctors keep putting everything down to my being anaemic, which yes, I’m sure it can’t help, but a lot of these symptoms were there before I became anaemic, so it can’t explain everything.  All the conventional forms of iron played major havoc with my stomach and I was beginning to despair.  I’ve spent years praying for God to give me some answers to my health, but in the past few months I’ve begged like never before.

My husband’s family have been attending a homeopath for many years, so he decided to contact the man and ask him if there was any form of natural iron supplement he knew of that would be kind to my stomach.  He mentioned Spatone.  It’s natural spring water that’s rich in iron.  I started taking it about 2 weeks ago and there has been a marked improvement and thankfully it didn’t affect my stomach.  My husband arranged for me to go and see the homeopath in the hopes he could help get my health back on track.  I assumed I’d get some remedy to take and that’d be it.  We got there and I had a detailed health questionnaire to go through with him.  When I first started getting reflexology treatments, my therapist mentioned an infection caused by Candidiasis Albecans and suggested I cut yeast and sugar out of my diet.  Of course, it sounded great, but the thought of giving up bread or cookies just seemed like too much.  However, after I finished the questionnaire, the homeopath said he didn’t need to do any tests as he knew exactly what the root cause was: Candidiasis Albecans!  He told me how when my immune system was down the bacteria had had a chance to take hold and it had in turn caused all my other issues and the antibiotics and hormonal treatments from the doctors had aggravated the problem further as well as my diet feeding the problem.

After hearing about the severity of the situation and what could happen if left untreated, I was excited to hear that with treatment I could have a drastically different life and feel full of life again.  Wow, I left feeling ecstatic!  I also left with a huge tub of antifungals, probiotics, aloe vera, garlic and other pills to get the infection under control along with a list of foods that I was to avoid for about 18 months.  It was exciting to think that soon my life was going to be better, which will be great for my husband and child as well.

Yesterday, however, the reality of the situation set in.  Firstly, I hate taking pills, and I have about 10 to take a day.  That terrifies me.  Secondly, to get better, I have to give up all yeast products, fruits, products with sugar, pork, mushrooms, cheese….pretty much all the stuff I love.  Secondly, we’d just stocked the freezer with meals that include things I’m no longer allowed to eat and it disappoints me as the food seems wasted along with my energy that went into preparing them.  18 months seems like such a long time.  On top of all that I got a bit of bad news, and last night I admit I had a little cry.  I am thankful God has finally brought someone along who could give me answers and a solution to my ill health, but the battle ahead seems so daunting that I despair and feel so daunted.  Praise God, He has given me a husband who loves me enough to willingly choose to give up all the nice things in life to support me through this time.  I found this quote and it really sums up how I feel right now.

“Enthusiasm is followed by disappointment and even depression, and then by renewed enthusiasm.”

– Murray Gell-Mann

 

I know there will be dark days ahead on this journey as my body fights this infection and clears the toxins from my system, and it’s going to mean major changes to our lives.  However, the hope of feeling genuinely WELL and HEALTHY for the first time in about 10 years, wow, that’s priceless.  So for myself, my husband and my daughter, I’m going to accept the changes that need to happen, and I look forward to seeing an improvement in my health in the next few months and over the 18 months.  I will have to keep a record of how it goes.  Now to find new recipes and foods to replace all the bread etc that I’d normally be eating!!

Finding out I was pregnant

So while my baby is sleeping I thought I’d give a little introduction to how my journey with motherhood began.  I suffer from endometriosis and have done for quite some time.  Knowing this, my husband and I started trying for a baby soon after our marriage.  After quite some time, we went to the Dr as my health was getting worse as well.  I underwent another laparoscapy for endometriosis and a dye test to see what was going on inside in March 2011.  A week before this laparoscapy I decided to start having reflexology treatments as I had read it is good for rebalancing hormone levels etc and I’m not a conventional medicine type of girl.  I underwent the laparoscapy as what told that the next avenue to try for a baby was Chlomid for 3 months to try and stimulate ovulation and if that failed then IVF was my only option or I could try IVF right away.  I was sent away with the tablets with no answers to my questions of how successful this chlomid would be and what the side effects of it would be.  When we got home, I did my own research and decided they were not for me so I threw them away.  IVF was not even an option for us for moral and ethical reasons, so we decided that we’d carry on life as normal and get used to the idea that if we weren’t going to have children that God has a reason behind withholding that from us.  It didn’t remove the deep longing for a child, but it put everything into perspective for us.  I continued to have very regular reflexology treatments as my body was so out of balance it was unreal.  We went on holiday to visit family of mine in June and I was unbelievably tired, would feel really nauseated on windy country roads and just generally felt off.  I never suspected pregnancy at all.  I just figured I was being so irrational due to being tired already and the fact my body was so out of balance and was being put right again and I thought that I had been too long gone from my home country and clearly couldn’t handle the windy back roads anymore! When we came home, I decided to do a test even though I wasn’t late and was in disbelief when it came up positive!!  My husband and I stood in shock looking at it as we had just got our heads around being a family of 2(plus our 2 doggy girls)and now we had to get our heads around the fact we’d be a family of 3!  In the May we had booked a fabulous safari in South Africa with a few days in Cape Town as well for the October to take a break from all the stresses of life……….my main concern at that point was that I’d have to rebuy all the clothes I bought for safari and would I be able to get such maternity clothes!  Clothes are always a top priority as a woman 😀  What amazes us more is that in the same space of time that I was supposed to be taking the chlomid to fall pregnant, God blessed us with a natural pregnancy.  We were so thankful and so excited we told our parents and siblings at 5 weeks and everyone else at 8 weeks.  Kinda early I guess, but there’s already enough bad news in the world so I figured I’d share some good news around for a change!  So anyway, that’s my story up to finding out I was expecting.  I’ll write more about the actual pregnancy etc again.  Thanks for stopping by.  If you have time please leave a comment about how you found out you were expecting, was it a big surprise, had you been trying long(or not at all!) etc.  I’d love to hear them!